Poopariffic - the neverending SIBO/IBS saga

Man, I don't even know where to start. I'm not a huge fan of re-hashing the past so I'm struggling with even finding a starting point. Also, - it's hard because I thought this all started in 2014 with horrible diarrhea, but then I found out in late 2017 that it probably started in 2006 with the birth of my child. I think I'm just going to tell you in the order i found out. It will be more exciting that way. You can follow along - Ooooh, as I typed that, I had flashbacks of the Disney Read Along records we used to have when we were kids. You would play the record and read the book and it would say "You can follow along. You will know it's time to turn the page when Tinkerbell rings her bell like this" and then the bells would chime - uh....where was I? Oh yeah, you can follow along with me and watch the journey unfold just like I did. Except, hopefully, you will be just following along while you munch on potato chips on the couch feeling perfectly healthy instead of following along with me suffering the same symtpoms. That would suck.

Mmmmm....potato chips. 

January 2014 - Captain's Log. Haha! Nope, I'm not a Trekkie. Though what's his face that plays the new young Captain Kirk with the bushy eyebrows is pretty good looking, even if he is a bit extra hairy.

January - I had an upset stomach one morning. No biggie. Then the next day. And the next and the next. I drive Charlotte to school in the mornings and it got so bad at one point, that I would drop Charlotte off at her school (ten minutes from our house) and then have to call up a friend who lived by the school and ask if I could drop in to use her bathroom. Nothing says friendship like running into someone's house yelling "Thank you! Sorry! Thank you!" as you dash for the bathroom. Then I'd have to hang out for another ten minutes after that to make sure I could make it home. There isn't enough wine in the world to thank that person! You know who you are, but I'm not sure you want to be called out as the friend who's house I used to poop in. This same friend also had extra baby wipes from Costco that she gifted me, so not only is she a life saver, she's also a butt saver.

"And it burns, burns, burns. The ring of fire. The ring of fire."     -Johnny Cash

If you don't know what the ring of fire is, ask someone who's gone through childbirth. Or better yet, don't. I'm sure you get the idea.....

This went on for about three months. Then I went to the doctor. Who did tests and tests and scans and ultrasounds and found nothing. So I tried another doctor, just to be sure. Then I did some Ayurvedic medicine. And some supplements. Some herbs. Another diet change. Some woo woo healing energy work. And I continued to poop my guts out every day. I also had terrible migraine headaches, but didn't connect that to the stomach stuff (insert foreshadowing music here...duh, duh, duhhhhh!)

Finally, my regular doc sent me a GI doc (that's gastroenterologist for those who want the fancy terms). More tests. More nothing. So the good doctor says "Welp, we'll just call this IBS". Except he said it in a more doctor-y way. "No cure, sorry." When I asked what IBS was, he basically said "It's when you have digestion issues and we can't figure out what it is." He also used the term "trashcan diagnosis", meaning they dump all digestion stuff in there if they don't know what it is. Nothing screams confidence like knowing you have a 'trashcan diagnosis'.

"Well, Ms. Sterling....the fuck if I know what it is."

The good part of this is that the GI doc recommended a diet that saved my ass (mostly) for the last few years. It's complicated as fuck and it's not easy to start, but if you're doing Olympic Gold Medal level pooping and your butt is on fire from so much wiping, then you will do what it takes to survive (which is totally a line from a fantastic song from Hamilton that you should listen to). What was this magic diet? It's called the low FODMAP diet. I'll explain it in all it's glorious OCD detail in another blog post.

Until next time, may your poops be happy and your butt content.