Thursday, October 9, 2014

I'm Officially Practical

It's happened.  I'm officially more practical than I ever intended to be.  Remember how I was saying I was going to manifest a Tesla.  Well, I have been doing a fine job of it.  Dreaming about my new Tesla and driving around in it, reading news about Teslas, putting pictures of Teslas where I can ogle them every day.  Then I took the ultimate step.  I went and test drove one.

The car was gorgeous.  Once inside, I was wrapped in leather but surrounded by sun.  Acceleration was insane.  You whispered your foot near the gas pedal and were going 70 miles per hour.  Gorgeous.  Fast.  Sleek.  It handled like a panther, silent and quick.  Are panthers silent?  Be right back.  Must go google this.

Oops, they sound like this. Not really silent.

I loved the philosophy of the company, the eco friendliness of the car.  The idea  of the Tesla was perfect.  The sound system was great, the sunroof out of this world.  But...but, but, but, but.  You want to know what my deal breaker was?  There was no place to put my stuff.

This picture makes me feel better about my car.  I'm a little messy but I'm not a total pig.
With no engine, the Tesla has a large space under the hood AND a large space in the back for stuff.  But in the cabin there are only three usable things for stuff.  There is a floor console for your purse, a console under the dash for your cell phone and sunglasses and a small glove box.

Clean, smooth, fancy sports car.  I think you're not supposed to allow food and drinks in your car.  Which would not be good because when Turtle and I go low blood sugar, we lose it.  So we keep almonds in the car AT ALL TIMES.  Where am I supposed to stash my almonds??

Maybe that's enough for the rich and famous who don't carry stuff with them, but I'm not them.  And even when I am rich and famous I will want a place to put my gum, and my extra toothbrush and toothpaste and my cell phone charger.  And my emergency five dollars, my eye drops, my lip gloss, a ball point pen and some ibuprofen.  Also, where do I put my garbage?  Yes, garbage.  You know, receipts from the gas station, old gum wrappers with pieces of gum in them.  I know that in a perfect world, when I bought the $98,000 car I would not chew gum in it.  But it's not a perfect world and I'm a gum chewer.

Also, there were two cup holders.  For the whole car.  Oh, sorry passenger and backseat people you have to hold your drinks.   Cause my water is in one and my tea is in the other and there's no other cup holders or storage in the car.

This car is doing it right.  Four cup holders JUST IN THE FRONT.  Giant console.  This car was made for people who live in their cars.  Yes, this is a mini van.  Hell NO, I'm not going there.

So, basically I have moved on.  Goodbye darling Tesla.  Maybe we will meet again when you have a car designed for normal people who go on road trips and have stuff and children and like to chew gum.

Now I am currently shopping hybrid cars with comfortable seats, less road noise and good storage.  Got any suggestions?  My current favorite is the Toyota Camry Hybrid.  Which makes me even more officially practical.


  1. Practicality is such a bitch - always messing with our dreams! But the Camry hybrid sounds like a pretty sweet new dream car too! (WITH APPROPRIATE CUPHOLDERS!)

  2. I'm not going to lie... I love my minivan and all my cup holders and my sliding doors. :)